Where is truth with consequences defiance

Making the boring more fun is the key to undoing distraction. On what planet is it acceptable to have no less than 17 projects or tasks launched, but zero finished?

Welcome to our house. It is ongoing dialogue in our home to remind Briggs to pick something up before he gets something else out, or to finish doing this thing before you start that other thing over there. If he is in the middle of completing a Lego building outside and he sees something shiny near our pond, forget it!

He is gone. These distraction-impulsivity dances that occur by the minute at times tend to breed some of his most dishonest stories. What happened? You were just supposed to clean up the trucks. I think it was going to take it to a secret lair where its nest is!

So I had to defend it. I got my sword out and stabbed it, but it flew away. I put on my costumes to scare it away because I love you, Mommy. I was defending you. However, his ability to complete simple tasks is dire because of this wildly creative imagination. Is he really lying? I am not convinced. Sometimes, I feel like he may believe what he is pitching to us in the moment. Regardless, it is important for us to break down large tasks into simple-to-follow steps.

He works better when he is monitored, but not micro-managed. So this requires us to work near him without lording over him.

A bonus here is that he thrives on positive reinforcement, so we are at the ready to dish that out as he finishes each small step toward the end goal of the assignment.

My husband and I are guilty of this, too. This is why my planner is riddled with Post-it notes and my phone with alarm reminders! The ability to prioritize reminders is almost nonexistent for most people with ADHD. Their lack of focus makes them scatter-brained and requires them to set reminders or write things down.

Since our son is only six, it puts that burden on us. In truth, he may have heard only one thing I said. In our house, we use a chore chart that has pictures and magnets he can move. He then feels responsible for the tasks and is more likely to remember them. Nothing can strain the beautiful bond between parents and child or put as much strain on a marriage as the challenges of discipline and consistent consequences, especially with regard to honesty.

So, here are some rules we live by that have helped us make headway with our boy. Likewise, our son should experience his parents approaching him to talk about situations after the dust settles. It makes no sense for me to try to rationalize with our son when he is at level five of a four-level meltdown.

Too late, captain! We wait for the calm after the storm and approach him kindly and calmly. It is imperative that our son understands his actions, the consequences that follow, as well as why we did whatever it was we felt necessary at that time.

He should know that we love him no matter what and that we are in this thing together. However, the dishonesty train is parked in our station far too often. Our kid lies too…a lot. However, because of his different needs, it will serve our sanity well to understand the why behind his struggles, and the motivation behind his story-telling, so we can craft a better approach from our end the next time.

As children and even as young adults we lied to avoid disapproval or to enlist approval. It was one of the most difficult things to overcome until my young and evenlater twenties. Unfortunately the absolute opposite was how I eventually solved this problem and that can be equally disastrous.

When it is a badge of honor to always tell the truth especially to your spouse or someone else that you can not foresee will be hurt by the truth. It has been a lifelong process and not at always successful to not blurt out a hurtful truth. In my case a very judgemental coterie of 8 older siblings made for a difficult growth out of it which does not appear to be the case that you are dealing with.

Our family believes in natural and logical consequences. We also strive for positive guidance through tough situations. So how do we work to find an approach to appropriately teach our children appropriate and respectful behavior in these instances?

We first have to talk about what exactly consequences are in order to understand how to enforce them. From birth, babies learn patterns and recognize outcomes 1. They learn before the age of one to cry to get a parent to come in the room and they see patterns both in their physical world and even relationships between people and things.

By around 26 weeks or 6 months old , babies can understand the relationship between an action and a sound 2. However, in the preschool years and even through early childhood, kids sometimes fail to fully understand the process of cause and effect; therefore we must guide them through it 3 4.

Consequences are, very simply, the result of any action or behavior regardless of appropriate or not. They are the direct result of an action. Punishments are a negative reaction to a situation. This is what make consequences important and also superior to punishments. If a child studies hard and gets a good grade on a test, the consequence of studying is getting high marks to prove it. If the same student does not study on the next test and performs poorly, they suffer the negative consequence.

Punishment typically uses shame for a behavior modification, not loving guidance to learn from their actions. Natural consequences just kind of happen. No one needs to intervene or step in to make them a reality. So back to the example of studying… a child is going to get a grade whether they study or not.

Related: Can kids effectively be a part of their own discipline? However, a situation that requires guidance through cause and effect where the adult sees the event and then institutes an effect is a logical consequence. So two of many logical consequences would be that a child loses the privilege of using their hands or they do not get to spend time next to their friend.

At which point as parents we have to walk alongside our kids to help them understand how to navigate tricky and difficult situations. Related: The best 5 logical outcomes for hitting with a positive parenting approach. Defiance almost always is the result of some other underlying issue. Feel out of control? Use defiance to try to exert control. For the things he was doing, and the turmoil it put our family through.

She resented him for refusing to get along with his family, despite their efforts to reach out. You have a good life, you know? The effect was immediate, Thompson said.

But the medication helped him calm down enough to learn strategies to stay organized, follow directions, and, most important, cool down when he got angry. The most important strategy, though, according to Thompson, was to recognize when Daniel was in the throes of a meltdown and to whisk him off to a quiet place to regroup.

Once Abraham completed her degree, she started something new: a behavioral therapy system entirely of her own design. What did that mean? If she asked him to do the dishes, for example, and he refused, she would institute a time limit — say, by 5 P. Relationships are give and take. I would like to, and I hope that I can one day.

Abraham established a household-wide system of reciprocity, encouraging her husband and son to hold Nathan to it as well. At first, he was as defiant as ever — perhaps even more so, angry that he no longer got his way. But eventually, he started to change. My husband asked him to do something, probably to put something away. He was learning that relationships were a two-way street, and she and her husband finally felt in control — for the first time in years.

He is now an adult, a successful roofer with kids of his own. Abraham, now a therapist specializing in ODD, was so pleased with her strategy that she bases much of her practice on it. Abraham is acutely aware of how far Nathan has come. Daniel, too, has grown up and found some success. But as Daniel got older and learned to manage his anger, she saw him become less and less hellish, she said.

Despite his setbacks, Daniel has come to like himself as he is — ODD and all. For ODD in childhood, a well-regarded large-scale study placed the figure at about 6 percent. In the early years, ODD is diagnosed mainly in males — the male-to-female ratio is anywhere from 1. By the teenage years, it affects both genders relatively equally. The overall rates of occurrence drop by then — only about half of children who were diagnosed before puberty retain the diagnosis.